Hey to all of you =) Hope your day is going well. There is a fitness model that my husband and I both follow, her name is Aubrie Richeson. A week ago yesterday she posted this status : Take a few deep breaths and allow yourself to be with yourself this morning. Be open to feelings that may come to you, accept them then let them go. I really liked that status. It rang true with me that day and it is coming back to me again today. My husband was able to stay here with me this weekend and we had SO much fun. It was really nice to laugh and joke and just have him here. While he was here we were talking a bit about what is down the road and how there may be bad days but finding the positive in all this is easy to do too when it's looked for. And then it kinda dawned on me..it's not even really bad days so much as moments. Yesterday when he left and a bit this morning I find myself homesick. I really miss seeing my husband and daughter all the time, taking care of them, doing the house work (yes I really do miss this LOL), baths, just the normalcy. And there are things going on here that are annoying to say the least. SO in that vein, I thought I would take a note from Ms. Richeson. I am going to talk a bit more on these things (hopefully with some humor) and then move on to the positive because there's so much more of that.
So aside from missing home like you wouldn't believe, I think the effects of the chemo are starting to take hold. Every day I get a bit more tired. hmm well not even tired just lethargic. I feel like I could lay down and take a nap at any given second. I HATE this. I have a bit of a headache too. Oh! I forgot to tell you guys, one of the drugs they gave me turned my pee orange ; ) like kool-aid orange LOL. Kinda cool I guess. Other than these things I still feel like my normal self, but the lethargy is taking it's toll on my mood a bit. I find myself having less patience. Which leads me too gripe number 2. The endless parade of poking and prodding. They do vitals here 8pm, 12, 4am (that one includes drawing blood), and 8 am. 8 am is my favorite because they come in.. do vitals, then ask you what time you want breakfast. Yesterday the PCA did this and I told her I wanted to sleep longer. She proceeded to tell me they stop serving at 930 and she would be back at 845 to ask me again... :)... Then nursie comes in with meds, NP comes in and pokes and asks questions such as how is my BM, Dr's come in and do the exact same routine as NP and BY THEN you're awake. Shower time. In which my 25 year old self whose used to doing virtually everything on my own has to dawn her cranky duck mask (more on this character in another post...stay tuned ; ) ), go out, and ask for the following: a gown, towels, someone to help put on my aquaguard, and socks, and let the world know I am about to take a shower. yay!! ; ) They are pumping me full of so much sodium chloride that my face looks like a pumpkin, and my hands and feet are swollen. I am peeing like I'm pregnant. The nurse says," if you promise to drink water really well they may take your levels down a bit". Well...how about this nursie??? I promise to not drink any more water period UNTIL they take down my fluids : P so there. Now then, let's talk about foodage. It sucks. That's really it. It's bad. And for exercise after said meals I am not allowed off the floor so I walk down the hallway, turn around, come back up the hallway, go around the nurses station, go back down the hallway AND repeat. I appreciate hampsters in a whole new way. Sorry for the pause there friends, I had to go pee. Last thing, I am on SOOO many "preventative" medications. I don't even like to take tylenol for headaches. Ridiculous LOL.
Deep breath deep breath. ok now that I've had my little temper tantrum ; ) Let's move on to brighter things. The sun is shining, I'm alive and kicking, my symptoms are SO small right now and even more importantly I have SO much support. Here is what boggles my mind you guys. James and I have gotten several messages talking about how we are inspiring, but I see it exactly the opposite. For every message of support, every comment on facebook, phone call, visit, card EVERYTHING I am inspired. I really feel the love and positive energy and I am really feeding off of that. You guys inspire me. I have a windowsill full of bears and flowers and balloons and cards and I get messages everyday and it all means so so much to me. When I have moments like up above, I look at all these things and it snaps me into reality. The here and now. Here, and now, I'm still feeling well, I am happy and I am fighting this thing and winning because I'm still alive. I am bummed about missing the little things right now, but it's like my husband said there will be more of those..there will only be one of my daughter's wedding. Also, I know in the end this will only make us stronger because we will have fought through all of this. Something we talked about too is that this is really showing us who is in our corner which is amazing. And as much as I went on and on about hospital stuff, the staff here really is really great. They are so nice and understanding. And everyone talks about how this is the place to be for leukemia so I am so so grateful and lucky to be here. Also we found out our insurance should be covering the majority if not all of this so that is a HUGE blessing. I am really a very very lucky girl. I am so glad to have all of you keeping me grounded and positive. Oh, I'll leave you with one last note: I had a blood transfusion on Friday the 13th very cool. Plus my blood type is..you guessed it..B+ =) Have an awesome day, thank you so much for reading!
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