Whirlwind of days

Hey everyone. I just want to start by thanking anyone who takes the time to read. I just thought this might be a nice way to get things off my chest from time to time. Going into the inners of my mind can be a scary thought so those who are brave enough to do that with me are truly good people haha!

So if you're reading this you probably also know that I was very recently diagnosed with Leukemia. I'll just start at the beginning and we'll see where it takes me... For the past 3ish weeks I have been having some weird symptoms. I have been bruising really easy. Really big nasty bruises just out of nowhere. Also headaches, nausea and vomiting pretty much every morning, headaches that lasted for days, and also really bad fatigue and dizziness when I would go to the gym. I put it off at first, hoping it was just something weird and would subside. After my family's trip to Miami I realized I couldn't put it off anymore so I went to see my doctor. This was on the 4th of April. She ran blood and on the morning of the 5th I got a phone call saying my hemoglobin and platelets were very low and I needed to be admitted to our local hospital! What?? Talk about scared. So we rush there and they did more blood tests and a CT scan. Did I mention I am TERRIFIED of needles LOL :) By that evening the Dr. came in and said he believed I had leukemia and needed to be transferred to a hospital that more specialized in this treatment. So in that short amount of time my world and my husband's world was turned upside down. I am 25! No way could this be happening. Cancer. I have cancer? My dad at it various times throughout my childhood and eventually died from it. I have had Aunts and Uncles who have dealt with cancer. I think we all know someone who has had cancer, but me? How can this be happening. That's just a microcosm of what went through my head in the seconds after hearing the news. After that it was an ambulance ride to the new hospital, admitting questions, more blood work, and then finally some sleep. A little bit of sleep. The next day I had a MUGA done. That's this really cool procedure where they draw blood, tag it with radio active markers, reinsert the blood and then take pictures of your heart. This allows them to see how well your heart is pumping your blood. Very cool. I had a chest x-ray and then... BONE MARROW. I was SO scared. They knew this and drugged me up pretty good. LOL I was very sleepy for the procedure and my husband held my hand the whole time. It wasn't too bad for anyone who may need to go through this in the future. Then just a couple hours later I had this thing put in my chest. It's like a port. It allows them to draw blood and insert blood and chemo. NO MORE NEEDLES = D.

The 7th was absolutely the worst. The previously mentioned port had issues so I needed another one put in. Knowing that I would be drowsy, my husband decided to stay home, get the house back in order and spend quality time with our daughter. I think it's something we all needed, but the day was SO quiet. I had nothing to do (because of the rush everything was at home) so I had a lot of time to sit with the news and deal. The hardest part is being away from them. I am so lucky though that everyone here is SO SO nice. My PCA took a walk with me and we borrowed some movies from the activities room and that really cheered me up. From there I became determined to find things to do and stay happy. Not that I am naive, I know there are going to be sad times, but I want to stay mostly positive. My family did come and visit yesterday and that was amazing to have them here. We got to get out of the room and go have dinner in the cafeteria so that was cool. It was so hard saying good bye to them and for the first time I became angry at this disease. Really just resentful. It is keeping me from my loved ones and keeping me from going home. If this disease were a really person, I would be kicking, and screaming, and scratching and everything I could do to overcome it and get home. But its not a real person. But you know what? I can still do all those things. I can still fight this and I can go home. And I will.

Lastly, and I know this has been a long blog because I have had so much catching up to do over the past few days, I have had such great support from family and friends. The phone calls, and messages/comments on facebook, and well wishes on other sites, just everyone has really been in my corner and I can really feel the love and positive wishes radiating through to me so please know that I can feel it, it is making a difference and I thank you so so very much. Oh and in case you were wondering about "orange cranes".. they are the first things I saw when I got to the floor I'm on. I'll do another post about that soon. Take care all and thanks for reading.
Love,
Me :)