Waiting...

Hey everyone : ) I hope you're all well. Much like the title says, right now I am just waiting. I have gotten past the fevers and am feeling the best I've felt since I've been here. My counts are climbing but we're waiting for that magic number: 500. My neutrohpil count has to be at 500 for me to go home. I am so close and feeling this good it's hard not to be a little antsy.

Since the last blog I had a birthday. Even though it was here, it was an amazing day. My family came and stayed all day and night. It felt like home. I love having them here. They really made it a special day. I am so thankful to have this birthday. As I am feeling better and it's getting closer and closer to transplant, all that comes with that is becoming even more real.

I did some reading yesterday...which was a bad idea. I thought it would help. It just really freaked me out haha! There are two things I am really afraid of. The first being that this will make me even more sick and kill me. The second being that it doesn't keep me in remission..which would kill me. I think I've been avoiding thinking on it too much, but like I said it's closer and I can't help now but think about it. It's a scary realization. Aside from the statistics, there were these lists of things that I won't be able to do, medications I'm going to have to take (and THEIR side effects). While this could be the cure, my life and my family's lives are not going to be the same for a while. It will take about a year before I can go back to a "normal" life.

Last night I had a long talk with my nurse about the things I had read. She was a nurse at the Cleveland clinic specializing in BMT and while she's on the unit here she floats down to the BMT floor here too, so she's had a lot of experience. She told me not to freak out too much. That a lot of that information with the statistics and medications are outdated. That the research has come a long way and they now know how to better control things like graft vs host disease. The medications aren't as bad with the side effects now and an important positive going for me are my donors. They have found two donors that are a 10/10 match. The better the match, the better my body will accept the donor.

It's just scary, not knowing and not being able to picture the future. BUT as always I'm trying to focus on the positive: good matches, better medicine, and a loving support system. It's going to be hard, but this will be my cure. This will be my life back. That's all I want. Now to get my counts up and go home!

I thought I would leave you with a video from the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I watched this earlier and it inspiring. There are people out there trying to cure what I and so many have. LLS is helping them do that and I am proud and happy to help in any way I can with that. They are a great group, and if we can all work together we can make the difference.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Axlfyi6apys

Take care and thanks for reading :)